Started with Alan turning up to work around here. I then went to Frankston and expected him to be gone when I came back but he was still here. We spoke for a while and he told me how he had been carted all over the place meeting people that would be attending the Christmas lunch he would be going to with Gillie, people apparently didn't want to have the "Gillie and Alan Show". He also offered to take the caravan to wherever I would like to go to have a break, but I told him it wouldn't be much fun by myself so declined. He also said he would be happier if I went away for Christmas Day as he didn't like the thought of me being here by my self. I did say that he was the cause of that!!!.
Alan left around 1.30 and about 1.40 I fell into a heap and couldn't stop crying and sadly for me I hardly stopped crying for the next day. So all in all I seemed to hit rock bottom from 1.40 on Monday until around mid-night on Tuesday. I felt so bad I thought perhaps if I sent him a message from the heart that he would realise how this was affecting me.
The following are some of the emails that we have sent to each other.
On Mon Dec 6 12:38 , Barbarah sent:
Alan
I have had three calls since you left.
- One from James' (not sure if that is the correct '?) Mum asking if I would like to join them for Christmas lunch and I have accepted.
- Janette has asked me if I would like to join her up at Daylesford either on Christmas Day or Boxing Day. But I'm not sure if I should travel up there on Christmas Day or just go up on Boxing Day.
- Le-Anne Quince has also just asked me if I would like to go to a play on Wednesday night with her.
I also appreciate the fact that you would have taken the caravan somewhere if I had wanted to go away, but it wouldn't be much fun by myself, however I appreciate the thought. I also appreciate the slashing you have done today and how you have fixed the lawnmower for me.
It also occurred to me that when you said that you and Gillie still can't work out why you broke up, I have to wonder why you didn't contact each other after? You were free for almost 10 years before you met me - everything is a puzzle to me.
Thanks again
Barbara
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On 6/12/2010 5:35 PM, fernside@iinet.net.au wrote:
I would go up to Daylesford after Christmas Dinner, because that's something to look forward to and a lot better than going back to an empty house.
I also got two bags of feed and fed the emus.
With Gillie, it seems the relative thought we were getting far too serious, and when I came home from the holidays Nette told me Gillie didn't want me to call her because she had someone else. However, she didn't and it seems her aunt used something similar to get her out of the picture. I didn't do anything about it because it seemed so final.
On Mon Dec 6 15:10 , Barbarah sent:
Alan
Everything at this minute seems pretty final to me but I do not intend giving up on you because as I have told you all my life I have loved you since you walked from one side of the room at Reinforced Plastics to the other (I was 20) and I have loved you for 41 years will never stop loving you, death will be the only way for me to stop loving you. I only need to look at photos taken of us together and it’s not of a couple that are just friends they are of a couple that love each other dearly.
Barbara x
On 8/12/2010 8:02 AM, fernside@iinet.net.au wrote:
Just stay positive, you never know where life leads.
On Wed Dec 8 7:15 , Barbarah sent:
Thank you for your succinct reply.
Clearly ignore my other email to you as it was obviously a mistake and I shouldn't have sent it.
I think from now on send me an email to tell me when you intend coming out here and for how long, I will go out.
I think it is better for me not to see you again. I also don't think it is possible for me to be friends with you.
Your love for Gillie has obviously been deep within you all these years and I wish you and her the very best for the rest of your lives together.
I will not bother you again.
First response fernside@iinet.net.au 4.19 – 8.12.10 wrote
It's not as bad as that, just try to relax a bit.
Second response fernside@iinet.net.au 10.43 – 9.12.10 wrote
You are certainly not bothering me, and I know it will take a long time for your wounds to heal, and you will have good days and bad days, so stay positive
So now for the past two days I have been fine no tears nothing.
I went to a show in the Fairfax theatre last night with Le-Anne Quince which was most enjoyable and then I came home. When I came in side Le-Anne H came racing up through the lounge room asking me if I wanted a cup of tea (I didn't but she insisted) so I sat down in the kitchen and then I was asked if I would like to be called "Bompa or Nana" yep she is pregnant, I find it amazing in todays world that this could happen and they are both to blame (if there is blame) she told James she wasn't taking the pill but they have still been intimate and so now she is going to have a baby and I don't think it has gone down that well with James - so now I don't know what i will be faced with but we'll love it for every so that's all the matters.
I also went to lunch with Chooi Hon today and we had a lovely time. She has asked me if i would like to join a singing group that she is part of so i think I might when I move closer to the city. She is also organising a dinner with Edward, Pearly, David, Jittre and Yik Chee for just after Christmas so that will be a bit of fun.
Le-Anne and James have just arrived back here. james stayed in the car - not a good sign and she has now driven him back to his place - don't think this is good.
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