I just wonder - 21 December 2010

Can't fully remember what date i was up to with my last entry but have decided to write today anyway.

Last Friday went out with Carol and Janette and we had a beautiful Thai meal down at Patterson lakes then on Saturday night I went to the pictures at Pinewood with Janette and Shannon which also was really nice.

Yesterday James came around and we had a chat about everything and although a decision hasn't been made I'm pretty confident that Leh will have the baby, that i believe is needed in the world today.

I have also been thinking about Alan and although I can't be sure of this I feel that he has deteriorated over the past month. I'm not sure if it is just because he is in my company or not but he certainly doesn't look that good in fact i think he now looks quite old compared to photos that i had taken of him a couple of months ago. AND although I wont say this to him at this time I have decided that I and only I have worked out Gillies question "why Alan did we ever break up" well guess what sunshine you broke up because you are a controlling woman!!!! everything she wants she manipulated to get, she wanted Alan and she's got him and unfortunately for me I am the collateral damage but I'll gradually get over it.

I was quite cross with Alan after saying he was going to have a chat with James when he came here he said "we had a good talk to James" quite frankly my dear it wasn't any of her bloody business!!! and then when leh saw Alan on Friday night she (Gillie) suggested that perhaps leh would like to stay there on Christmas Eve (bitch), thankfully leh say no. i think the reason for this offer was

1. Alan would be a Prahran
2. He wouldn't have to drive to Seaford
3. Wouldn't have to drive back to the city and through to Geelong
4. Clearly if they had an early breakfast Alan would be able to leave Prahran early and be down with darling gillie around mid morning.
5. suffer bitch.

that's it I'm now going out.

I had lunch with David Knox at Clayton then went to Parkmore and ordered an ice-cream cake for Christmas day. When I came home Peter Hock rang me and wished me a Merry Christmas and we'll meet up after I come back from Daylesford.

I bought some more presents for leh for Christmas, I've wrapped them and placed them under the tree.

LEH came home from work and didn't seem that happy so I asked how James was and she said he bought up the option of the abortion pill which clearly to me upset her. So I'm inclined to think that now she'll have the baby and James will most likely walk away. even though he says he loves her i don't think this fits in with his 5 years plan. Worst case scenario is that she will be a single mum and I don't suppose that is such a problem in today's world. the baby will have leh, me and Michael as well as Alan when he is available or should I say allowed out.

I now feel as flat as a tack and I suppose its times like this it would be so much easier if I had Alan to talk to but I haven't - I'm so cross!!!!!