Walking down a lane

On November 20, 2010 I had another dream about Mum. We were walking down a dirt road with Cindy, George, Cobar and Taylor running backwards and forwards around us. We both had our blue gardening hats on and we were just laughing a chuckling together.

I have wondered if she knows what has happened to me.

Two weeks ago Alan left me for a girl by the name of Gilly Learmonth who he went out with some 50 years ago. He said I had become boring and that in fact he had been hoping over the past 15 years that I would have someone and left him. to say that I am gutted is an understatement.

For the past 41 years that we have been together I can't remember a time when he has raised his voice at me or even growled. He has always comforted me when I have been upset and has always given me guidance when I have been lost.

The day after he left he came back to get some things and the following are some of the things he said:=

1 Would you like to go halves in a factory.
2 I suppose its too late for you to be friends with Gilly
3 What you said about selling the sheep and moving to Patterson Lakes, was right we should have left here years ago.
4 All the committees I'm on have been like a albatross around my neck and I've resigned from them
5 I'll make sure you never have to go out and find work again.

I have been told by doctors that I am suffering from severe grief but eventually I will get over it, although I'm not sure that this will happen. I have thought about taking my life but can't work out how to do it so it is done! I wouldn't like to be left half baked or incapacitated.

Le-Anne has been totally supportive of me and I will never forget her help. Carol, Janette, Sandra, Pam, Jim, Ian S, Ian G and James have been wonderful. Michael has rung once but I haven't heard from him since.

I have been given direct telephone lines to people who can help me if I feel really bad and I have rung them a few times but at this minute I'm feeling ok.

I think what i can't come to terms with is the fact that Alan has effectively closed the door on me and hasn't given me a thought since he left. All he has said is that I'll have some bad days but that they will eventually get less and less and then I'll be ok. Not sure about that.

Bye for now.

Barbara